Many people believe women have an instinct in knowing how to care for and raise children. Read Chapter 4 and share what you learned most about the brain and the body in this story. Feel free to ask questions and voice ideas that should be considered in this story. You may also link stories you find in the paper that relate to any part of what you are reading at any time. The idea to ask yourself before reading is what makes us grow and be healthy human beings. Is a mother's nurturing an instinct or something that needs to be taught?
Remember at least 1 paragraph post from you and respond to 2 others.
The name in itself "Failure to Thrive" makes my heart hurt. As I read about Laura's condition I was angry at first. How could a mother not have the want to care for her own child? But after hearing everything Virginia went through as a child, no stable home or guardians, bouncing around from place to place every couple of months. How could you expect much more of her?
ReplyDeleteIf you ask any of us what it takes to care for a baby I would guess the majority of us would know to attend to the child both emotionally and physically, but thats because we were raised that way by our own parents. Blaming Virginia for Laura's inaccurate growth and development isn't fair. She knew she had to take care of her baby, she just wasn't drawn to the job like new mothers should be. I can't imagine how frusturating / disheartening it would be to have a child and see it suffer because you were unable to fulfill its needs. Then for you and your child to be moved in to a new home with a stranger telling you what you were doing wrong.
After reading the part about moving in with Mama P i wondered if that situation reminded Virginia at all of her childhood. At first i thought that it would have caused a further disconnect between mother and child, but I was glad to see that in fact it did just the opposite. Virginia is proof that change is possible, she may never be fully capable of the normal feelings of motherhood but the progress she made changed the outcome of Laura's life.
I fully agree with you saying that blaming Virginia for Laura's inaccurate growth and development was not fair. I think that Virginia did an amazing job of parenting and that she did everything she could to help Laura, I mean she agreed to move into a strangers house and listen to everything they tell her to do just to help her child!
DeleteAt first I was blaming Virginia about Laura's health conditions. But you made me realize that she didn't response to Laura like a normal mother would. Virginia did the right thing and brought Laura in to get the help she needs even though the help she needed was her to be loved and touched. I full agree that Virginia changed for the better so she could help Laura in her life.
DeleteI agree with you completely. Not only did my heart hurt for Laura's inability to grow but like you said, Virginia's inability to give her child what she needed to grow which must have been so hard for her. I think that Virginia's consent to stay with Mama P was the best thing she could have done for her daughter at the time.
DeleteI thought the same thing that moving Laura in with Mama P would make situations worse between Virginia and her daughter. And as it did help their relationship, I feel there will always be that one part missing. Laura knows that her mom loves her and would do anything for her, but then she also sees Mama P having to give her the love and affection she needs and as she got older I'm sure she questioned why she needed Mama P there.
DeleteI totally agree with saying blaming laura's condition on her mother was wrong! I'll admit i did it too at first, but withoit knowing that Virginia had a hard childhood. It was great to see that mama P had the opposite effect of causing virginia to relive her early life!
DeleteI agree with you completely. I feel as though we can't blame Virginia simply because she didn't know any better. She didn't wish for that to happen to Laura, her own daughter, she just didn't know any differently. It is easy for us to question why she didn't do things differently, but in the end, it's because she didn't know how to.
DeleteI had the same initial reaction, until I thought about Virginia's situation while growing up. After learning of that, I became almost proud that she did what she knew she should. She was struggling and confused, but she didn't give up on her baby and she got her baby help when she thought it was necesarry. That proves she loved Laura.
DeleteI think it's crazy how not getting enough loving from our care giver can stop us from growing, gaining weight and developing. I never thought about it that way. Reading about Virginia's life as a kid made me really sad, I couldn't believe that adoption was impossible in the situation like hers. The fact that she is never gonna be able to experience real love or provide it to someone else is really sad as well, but hopefully her experience with Mama P. taught her at least something. I wonder what happens to those kids that Mama P adopts? Are they ever able to have a normal life, do they act childish trough their adolescence?
ReplyDeleteReading about Laura's treatment made me really sad because they put her trough so much pain, tried so many different things on her, put her troughs so many tests, and many other things instead of just providing her with motherly love. I still think that Virginia was pretty good as a mother and that she did everything she could to help Laura.
Reading about Virginia's life made me sad as well, and it also made me realize how much of life we take for granted like our parents love. I also am wondering what happens to the children that Mama P adopts. They put Laura through so much pain for her treatments, but the only treatment she needed was love and comfort.
DeleteI could not believe the adoption mix up as well. I just hope that these days things run smoother for the best interest for the child. It could have saved a whole mess for these two lives. I agree that in the end Virginia was the best mother she could have been.
DeleteI wonder about Mama P's kids as well and I think that it all depends on how old they are when they move in with Mama P. If they're younger she may be able to reverse the emotional abuse and help them to find physical love natural. But if they're older like Laura I think that they will never find it natural to be nurturing to others. Even if Mama P can’t help them want to be affectionate with others she can still show them how to care for others emotional needs like she did for Virginia.
DeleteYeah like there have to be so many interesting stories about other kids that had to go to Mama P. That's so sad how they put her through so many treatments when she just needed love! Yeah age is a major factor and what if she was older how much more different would it have affected her. There was nothing she could do about the way she was treated as a child and it still affects her today! that's a scary thought. I never knew how much we needed that emotional factor!
DeleteAgain I feel that there is something more going on in the psyche of Lara than not receiving enough affection as a child. I do believe though that her time with Mama P. really did help her a little bit in the long run. But I do not feel that Virginia was the best mother for Laura because her track record would suggest that she is incapable of truly caring for a developing child.
DeleteWhen i read about all the test they performed i was shocked, that they would put this 4 year old through so much. It was actually very sad! Though the only thing that Laura really needed was motherly love and connection to that same mother which is why i am very happy mama P was able to help!
DeleteI think the hardest part about all of this is just comprehending just how many people this happens to. Nobody chooses their life, and sadly Virginias was not one of love and affection. I do believe that the help of mama P helped more than we know, as everyone needs love in their life.
DeleteI completely agree. It's so unbelievable that not having that physical attention and love can keep a child from growing physically. I never knew something like that was possible. It is terrible that Laura had so many tests done when all she really needed was a loving caregiver.
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ReplyDeleteI took child development when I was a freshman and my teacher read us this chapter. I was shocked reading it then, and I'm still shocked reading it now even though I know the outcome. It crazy how if a parent or guardian does love or hold a child, the child won't grow. It's hard to think there is a condition called infantile anorexia, that children so young are starved. It so sad that the mother didn't want to hold Laura, not even to feed her. It breaks my heart that Virginia doesn't know how to show her own child how to love. I wish there are more people like Mama P out in this world. I wonder why Mama P does what she does for all these children? Mama P is really a great person for helping all those children and to help Laura, and Virginia. I was so happy to hear when Virginia had a second child she knew how to raise the baby with love, and holding.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that Mama P is a great person. I think she helps out all of these children because she has a past similar to theirs. I think she was emotionally neglected as a child and that's why she knows what they need so well. It's possible that Mama P helped out Laura and Virginia because it reminded her of her relationship with her mother and she wanted better for Laura and Virginia.
DeleteI also find it reassuring that there is someone like Mama P out there because it gives me hope that there are more people like her. She is a lifesaver for children like Laura.
DeleteI also find it reassuring that there is someone like Mama P out there because it gives me hope that there are more people like her. She is a lifesaver for children like Laura.
DeleteI really liked Mama P as well. I loved how she spoke her mind and told a room full of doctors off when she thought that they were wrong. And I also loved how Mama P, a person without any form of degree, had the right idea for her children and people with M.D.s and Ph.Ds were wrong. That just shows how the simplest answer is usually right
DeleteI wonder what would happen if Virginia did have another child? Would she still struggle at least a little?
DeleteThat's cool how you learned about this in child development as well! It definetly relates to that perfectly! It is sad to think about how infants can be starved like that! It's weird how she like passed on the non affectionateness that her parents had with her child! I'm glad to have heard that her brother was raised good. And Mama P helped so much!
DeleteI also remember having being read this chapter in Child Development. It was nice to be able to read it to myself and reflect. I feel like it understood it easier. I agree Mama P was a great person. It is sad that Virginia was so uneducated about how to care for her own child. Im glad she learned what she did from Mama P. It made me feel better knowing that she was willing to do whatever to help her child.
DeleteHearing stories about mothers terribly neglecting or not showing love to their kids has always twisted my stomach a bit. I have had the question of where the unconditional love a mother is suppose to have, goes. My questions were answered throughout this chapter. I wonder if most stories we hear are because of lack of love and nurturing though.
ReplyDeleteAs Dr. Perry explained on pages 91 and 92 about the emotional needs being connected to growth and nurturing I became fascinated. I had never really put two and two together. Thinking more into it I remember that if I am ever upset or angry I do not eat for a long time or do not have an appetite when I am emotionally wrecked or incapable of not over thinking. This poor girl is so young and has no clue to what unconditional love can do for someone. Of course it is not Laura's mother's fault for she was pretty much in the same boat as a child and young adult. The whole situation is unfortunate but it brought forth an experience that others have learned from.
I appreciated that he added an update on Virginia and Laura and to know that they are doing well. Like I said in my blog from chapter 1 about trauma's long term affects, it kills me a little that the two ladies still have a bit of wall from their childhood experiences. It is crazy to think all of what the brain absorbs and deals with and how it affects our future. It is also interesting what we learn from past experiences and how we deal with upcoming ones based on it.
I also found it interesting that the emotional relationships that kids form can affect their growth. I also had never thought of that as a factor but after reading about it it really makes sense. I was very glad that an update was included as well so that we know how the family is doing and how they are learning how to form emotional bonds.
DeleteI also found it interesting that Laura did not grow as a result of neglect. At first I thought it was strange for something mental, like not being loved, can affect something physical, like growing. But then as the chapter went on I learned about how stress and lack of affection stop your body from releasing hormones and developing properly.
DeleteI also found it interesting that her lack of development was a result of neglect. But I did not agree with the fact that Perry pinned just on that. I feel like their has to be some other underlying problem on the mental spectrum, because there have been children who have gone through more severe neglect who have turned out to develop normally.
DeleteIt's always hard to understand how someone could not love their child, can like you said this chapter helped shed some light on that subject. I also never thought about how that still affects us in our lives (although not as severe).
DeleteChild neglect is a hard subject to hear about. It's hard to believe that a mother wouldn't care and love their child. Hearing about Virginia's childhood gave an explanation as to why she didn't feel the love she should've, and because of that, it affected Laura completely.
DeleteBefore I read this chapter I thought caring for a child emotionally and physically was instinct for mothers; now I believe it's something that needs to be taught. I was frustrated that Virginia didn’t understand how to care for her own baby, and that something that is instinctive for most people was foreign to her. I was sad to find out that Virginia’s parenting issues stemmed from not being able to form emotional attachments to caregivers as a young child. I asked myself why would foster care not want children to form an attachment to caregivers?
ReplyDeleteI was shocked to find out not getting enough physical touch could make children stop growing and maturing. I had never thought of physical touch as a necessity for humans to function normally but after learning about Robert and Laura I know it’s something we can’t live without. I think Laura’s weight going up by ten pounds in one month due to Mama P giving her the care she was craving for proves just how important our need to be comforted physically really is.
I was sad to find out Laura and Virginia still don’t find physical contact natural. I had hoped that living next to Mama P and her helping them would have reversed most of the damage done by being physically neglected as young children. I was happy to find out that Laura’s brother has no growth issues and that Laura’s mother has learned how to better care for her children with the help of others.
I asked myself the same question about foster care. Why would they not want kids to feel loved? I think if Virginia could have had foster parents she stayed with for longer amounts of time, she would have learned more about love and affection. Then maybe Laura's life would have been different as a result.
DeleteYou brought up a great question with foster care. And I believe that, Child Protective Services probably had the children switch homes, to prevent child from getting hurt if the placement doesn't work out. Getting attached to family, then having to leave- whether it economic problems, a death, or some other tragedy- is probably worse to a child then moving to a new home every six months without being attached. Because it almost is like losing a loved one to the child, which has them feeling a range of emotions, sadness to anger, to feeling lost.
DeleteI always thought it was instinct too for mothers to care for their child. I was also surprised how a child would not grow just from not receiving physical contact. Its sad that's the reason Laura did not grow and could have been prevented but Virginia grew up with not a stable home and didn't know any other way to take care of Laura.
DeleteI agree I also thought it was an instinct. It was surprising to me as well that a child wouldn't grow from not receiving enough compassion and love but that does make sense now. The human brain is a cool thing and it's awesome to get to learn about this stuff.
DeleteI have always been fascinated by the bond between a mother and her child. I think it's amazing how a mother is willing to sacrifice so much and do anything for her child. However, I find it heartbreaking that that isn't always the case and that some mothers do not, and can not, feel that kind of love for their child. I never knew that if a mother is neglecting her child, it usually means that she herself had been neglected as a child.
ReplyDeleteI find it heartbreaking yet interesting that even with proper nutrients and health, the lack of love and physical contact can have an impact on not only the mental and emotional growth of a child, but also the physical growth. The fact that a baby's "cuteness" is an adaptive quality for the pleasure of a mother is amazing. It shows just how much a mother and child work together so they both remain happy and healthy.
Mama P. is a lifesaver in this case. She showed Virginia how to properly love and nurture Laura, and Laura started to grow as soon as that physical contact was present. Although Virginia and Laura will probably never be completely comfortable or genuine with physical contact, it is reassuring to know that they have both been able to be taught those qualities. Hopefully as Laura's brother grows, he can show Laura and Virginia true, genuine love.
I too found it interesting that the mother had also been neglected. It's sad to think that something that happened at such a young age follows you through the rest of your life and affects others in your life. Mama P. truly was a life saver and they are blessed to have met her. I hope their family continues to grow stronger together.
DeleteA mother's love is one gift that I've realized that many take for granted. We often times just expect the unconditional love, although every child deserves it. To think that your life could be altered so drastically at such a young age by the person who brought you into this world is devastating. After thinking about it I realize that Virginia never wanted to hurt Laura, her condition was just an unfortunate side effect to a whole childhood of neglect that Virginia faced.
DeleteI also agree with you on the fact of many times parents who were abused or neglected do the same on to their children, even though they know what its like they just don't know how else to act. I like how you said that Mama P. is a life saver because that could not be more true. She basically saved Laura and taught Virginia how to become an attentive mother and how to treat future children, and she ends up fixing her struggles with parenting on her next child.
DeleteI always thought mothers had the instinct to take care of their child but after reading I realized it is nowhere near that. I was upset when Virginia wasn't allowed to be adopted by her foster parents and that when she turned 18 that she had to end all communication with them. I can't even imagine what that would be like. I was very glad that when she got pregnant she knew that she needed to find help and went to the prenatal help program. I was disturbed that when Virginia first took Laura to the doctor that they realized something was wrong with her brain but didn't do anything about it because it was less interesting. I never knew that by the lack of physical contact from a parent or caregiver can affect how a child grows and develops. I really liked how there was an update on them at the end of the chapter. I'm glad that things have gotten better but disappointed that physical contact still isn't comfortable for them. I'm happy that Virginia learned how to properly take care of her second child and new how to give them love and care.
ReplyDeleteI think mothers do have an instinct to care for their children, but it is built because they are treated with love as a child. Because Virginia never got that she did not have that instinct. It made me sad to see that Virginia trying to do all these things to help Laura when all she really needed to do was love her and show her affection.
DeleteI agree with you Allie! Mother's don't always have the instinct of love. I was also upset that Virginia was not allowed to be adopted. If she would have had those foster parents to help her raise Laura, things would have been very different. Laura most likely would have been a perfectly healthy child.
DeleteI felt the same way while reading this chapter. I also always thought that a mother had the instinct of how to care for their child. Im glad that Virginia knew that she needed to get help for her child. The doctors seemed to not care as much as they should have. I feel like they could've done more to help Laura and maybe then they could have prevented what later happened to the family.
DeleteIt is still so sad for me to think of Laura and Virginia not having that mother, daughter connection that every child deserves. I personally couldn't imagine my life without the love I receive from my parents. I just hope that things continue to go smoothly for Virginia's second child and that Laura can grow up knowing how to love, the way her mother did not.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter was extremely eye opening for me. The fact that it is even possible for a four year old (who is getting enough food and nutrients) to weigh twenty-six pounds is shocking. It interests me how much a lack of touch and affection can harm your growth and development. Laura’s story reminds me of Harlow’s experiment with monkeys. The monkeys chose affection over food. A wild animal choosing that over food proves how important it is and how badly we need it. While reading this chapter the thing that saddened me the most was the fact that Laura’s mother Virginia was doing what she thought she was supposed to do. Because of her past in foster care she did not know what it meant to be truly loved. You can tell that Virginia loves Laura, but she does not love her in the traditional way most mothers do. How different would Laura’s life be if Virginia had grown up in a normal, loving home? It upset me how the doctors and specialists treated Laura. She did not need to be tested and monitored. She needed to be loved and held. It is amazing what Mama P. did to help Laura and Virginia. She made a huge difference in both of their lives. Even though their past will always be a part of them, they can live relatively normal lives by learning to give off love and affection.
ReplyDeleteI found the Harlow's experiment interesting since I've never heard of it. It definitely says something when an animal chooses affection over food. Like you, I was surprised at her weight and I, like many others, thought it was going to be a eating disorder story. The fact that touch and affection can play such a huge role in emotional and physical development was very interesting. I never thought that lack of touch would cause such physical affects.
DeleteHer weight definitely surprised me and I too thought of Harlow's experiment with the monkeys. If she would've had someone to touch her and hold her things could've been so different
DeleteWhile reading this chapter, the first thing that caught my eye was "infantile anorexia," (82) and how one Laura's first doctors thought that her having it was exciting. Why would anyone find it exciting that someone is self-hurting themselves with a eating disorder, no matter the age? For me a normal response would produce concern over excitement. And another thing I'm wondering about how could a four year old think of these things, because isn't self-esteem (one of the main reasons people develop an eating disorder) controlled in the cortex, which is developed later on in life.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing about this chapter was the great Mama P and her wonderful theory of love. I loved how Mama P always spoke her mind and went against what most people would have done with hard children (said no to medication). I also like how her theory had a greater impact on multiple children over what Dr. Perry recommended and helped him with other children later on in life.
I agree that my first reaction to the "diagnosis" of child anorexia was one one concern, not excitement. How on Earth can someone be more excited about finding a disease, rather than curing one. I also thought mama P was a great way to lift the mood of the chapter. She was spectacular and completely selfless. She became a very good role model for Virginia.
DeleteI completely agree with your opinion of Mama P, she was just what the two girls in the chapter needed. She cared so much for all of the kids she worked with was able to impact their lives, just by being there and being nurturing. I'm also glad that Dr. Perry had the sense to see that what she was doing for the children under her care was a great thing.
DeleteThis chapter was very intriguing to me. I always knew that it took a lot to raise a child, but I never realized how much emotion it takes. Virginia completed all of the physical tasks to take care of a baby/child, but could not fulfill the emotional part of the job. It makes sense that a child might struggle emotionally from that situation, but the physical disadvantage was a complete shock. Love really is the key to life.
ReplyDeleteIt also made me really sad to know that there was nothing Virginia really did wrong to hurt Laura. She tried to care for her daughter, but did not know how to emotionally. How do you explain to a woman that she was incapable to care for her even though she carried out all of the physical care?
I agree with you! It must have been really hard for the doctors to explain the situation to Virginia. She really was doing the best she could, but because of the way she was raised she didn't know how to love her child. Love has such a huge affect on a person.
DeleteI agree that this chapter was very intriguing, no one really knew how much it actually takes to raise a child properly. And even though she was doing her best she should of realized that she wasn't able to care for her daughter properly and put her up for adoption. It wasn't Laura's fault her mom couldn't take care of her and her she shouldn't have to be punished for it.
DeleteI agree with you. I did not know not giving emotional needs would have a physical disadvantage on Laura. It is sad Virginia didn't know how to care for Laura because of how Virginia grew up. I also like the comment, love really is the key to life.
DeleteI found this chapter very interesting. Many of us think of raising a child as feeding them, changing their diaper, and then putting them to sleep. When really it is so much more than that. Every child needs love and kind actions from loved ones in order to thrive.By not getting this, Laura's body did not know how to properly handle food. It is crazy to think about all of the children in the world who are neglected. Do they have the same issues Laura faced?
ReplyDeleteI feel that this chapter is an important lesson for everyone, especially expecting mothers. Love saved Laura's life. It gave her the chance to be a little girl and lead a "normal" life. Love is not only something we want, it is something we need.
After reading this chapter I had the same question about the other neglected children of the world. Development really is more than just skin deep, love and nurturing, you also have to be able to emotional raise a child to. It's kind of the same concept applied to having a pet. It's not enough to just feed them and take care of them, you have to genuinely love them. Otherwise they get depressed and are unable to properly function.
DeleteI love how you said you feel that this chapter is an important lesson for everyone because I feel the exact same way. I feel that once people realize how getting no love from your mother could affect you, they will realize how important it actually is.
DeleteI agree about how you said this chapter has an important lesson everyone can learn because clearly parenting doesn't come natural to all. It would be interesting to see how many children have been faced with the same problem and see how other doctors handle the situation.
DeleteThis chapter is definitely a lesson for everyone when it comes to raising a child. Its crazy how everyone has a different view of how to parent and really the most important thing to give a child is love and affection. Virginia and Laura are perfect example of how children need more than just their basic needs met.
DeleteI agree that this is a very important lesson for everyone to learn because being a parent is more than diapers and bottles, its loving and being there for your child
DeleteI thought it was very interesting how no matter how many calories they gave Laura, she did not grow and it was all because she didn't have the love and affection that she needed. When people think of what a child needs to grow up, they don't know that their love and tender touch is helping them to grow strong.
ReplyDeleteI also had never thought that we need someone to "teach" us how to love. I've always thought of love as something that comes natural to people, but that is probably because I was raised in a loving household. On the other hand, if my parents would have never cuddled me or if I had never watched how someone cared for a baby in a tender way, I wouldn't know how to do it either.
Child development has so many different aspects and components and if just one is missing something could go wrong. This chapter taught me about development and love and I think it could teach many other people a lot of things as well.
You brought up a point that I did not really ever think of while reading this chapter. That people are "taught" how to love. I always thought it was just apart of human nature. We learn it without consciously knowing it, it is by the actions of others. That makes me wonder, does that mean the people who grow up in these circumstances are worse at "loving" others?
DeleteI like how you said that we have to be taught how to love as well and I loved how you said that if we haven't received love or watched someone care for a baby, we wouldn't know how to do it either, I think that is so true and that is exactly what happened with Virginia when she was younger. So when she had Laura, she didn't know any better.
DeleteWhen first reading this chapter I was quickly disturbed with the fact that it was taking doctors so long to figure out what was wrong with this little girl and they hadn't thought about looking at the nurturing side of the situation to help Laura. I think it was really weird that even though Virginia hadn't grown up in a loving comforting home, she hadn't been able to give Laura that comfort. Normally when people are introduced to an infant there first reaction is to coddle and
ReplyDeleteIf you think about it though if you yourself was never shown love and compassion and never shown the proper way to care and act with an infant would you know any different?
DeleteI thought the same thing when they were trying to figure out what was wrong with Laura. Like why would you think to diagnose such a little child with anorexia ? I didnt think that was possible at all and still dont know if it is. I can say though that i would also just assume no matter what that if you were to bare a child that you would want to nurture and care and love your baby with everything. It just doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me . But i guess it shows that if you were not shown love and a caring image at a young age it may and probably will affect you your whole life which deeply saddens me.
DeleteIt's weird how early experiences impact our lives so much. Also how much influence our parents have on the way we develop is crazy too. The way Laura's mother raised her and cared for her affected her development so much. She barely grew! She did everything right and fed her and everything and all she needed was affection. Then when she went to stay with Mama P she gained 10 pounds in a month on the same calorie intake she had before. It's crazy how it will affect them their whole lives even though they've gotten help. That study in the 40's about how one third of children raised in an institution without receiving individual attention died by the age of two is really sad. The fact that if kitten's keep their eyes closed for too long they will not be able to see. like if we aren't exposed to language early enough we may never be able to speak normally. that would be so hard and if my parents hadn't raised me well enough I could have had this problem. How Laura relates to the runt of the litter was kind of a cool example. It's weird how much the medical field relates mainly to psychology. There was nothing medically wrong with her she was just not given enough love. I really liked the line, "The price of love is the agony of loss." this chapter was really interesting!
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is weird how the setting and the way we are raised in have such big impact on our lives. That one small thing, like not smiling back at a baby can have an effect on them. It also makes me thankful that I was not raised in a household with caring parents. I also agree that the line, "the price of love is the agony of loss," is very interesting. It shows just how much of an impact one person can have in your life.
DeleteIn the beginning of the chapter Dr. Perry talks about how Laura's mother, at a very young age, was moved around from foster home to foster home every couple of months to keep from getting attached, I thought that was interesting, and also sad. At such a young age babies and children are so impressionable. They aren't aware of what is happening, or why something is happening, but it affects them either way. Dr. Perry also talked about brain history, and how we have this sort of brain catalog that consciously affects what we do. This chapter was especially interesting because of that. I never knew how much things affected us, and how those things could change the way we act towards everything.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned something about them not wanting her to be attached. I understand that part, but it kinda makes me sad because it makes them feel as if they aren't important. That the moment they are starting to become comfortable with their surroundings they are going to have to start over and go somewhere else.
DeleteIt is interesting to again see how a person is affected long term by something that happened when they were too young to remember. How impressionable the human brain is. It is sad because of what she experienced as a child her child went through the same thing directly because of her mother. Hopefully they caught it in time where her mother learned and the years of neglect would not affect Laura in the future.
DeleteIt is interesting to again see how a person is affected long term by something that happened when they were too young to remember. How impressionable the human brain is. It is sad because of what she experienced as a child her child went through the same thing directly because of her mother. Hopefully they caught it in time where her mother learned and the years of neglect would not affect Laura in the future.
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ReplyDeleteGoing into this chapter I wasn't sure what to expect in the slightest. With a name like Skin Hunger I was expecting it to relate more to cannibalism than anything. Imagine my shock and surprise when I found out what it was really about. To have to see a four year old girl, with a seeming inability to grow, really brakes my heart. What brakes my heart the most is to see doctors more concerned with the fame of finding a new disease, rather than helping a little girl. Why after so many doctor visits before Perry was Laura not diagnosed, or they didn't find out what was the actual cause of her digression. It frustrates me to think that doctors actually thought that having no interactions with her mother would do Laura any good. Growing up Virginia was an orphan and was unable to get the emotional attention she so desperately needed. You can see the obvious affect it had on her mental and emotional processes. How awkward it is for her to make an emotional attachment to Laura. Virginia knew how to parent physically, but not emotionally. It also irritates me that even though Virginia has Laura, she is no longer able to get the help she so desperately needs. She still has a baby even though she is no longer pregnant. The legal system needs to recognize that. How is she supposed to take care of Laura when she has a hard enough time taking care of herself. Though she is no longer pregnant you can't just kick her out with no help. How did they think that would affect the way that she raised her daughter.
I also so had a somewhat similar reaction to the title, but I think that is part of what caused me to read it so intently. The doctors reactions were very disappointing, but I think they sometimes forget how much of a role our brains play in even our physical growth. I think that psychiatrists should play a bigger part in diagnosis of children.
DeleteHearing stories about children being neglected by their parents has always hit a soar spot in me. I can never truly understand why someone would willingly neglect and deprive their children of the bare necessities. With that being said I understand why Virginia "neglected" her child because of her personal experience. Like Dr. Perry said, she had the knowledge on how to care for her child on the physical aspect but not on the psychological and social aspect because she never experienced it as a child. She is only using what she believes and knows to be normal. So I feel more sorry for her than anger towards her. I also didn't realize what effect touch had on someone's pre-adolescent development.
ReplyDeleteI really didn't like how this Mama P. person treated Robert. I feel as if what she was doing was causing more harm than good. I don't feel it will truly help in his development but hinder it further.
What I did like is that Perry gave an update on Laura and Virginia at the end of the Chapter.
I was also amazed how much effect a mothers touch had on the psychological development of a child. It seems like something so simple but it can make a huge impact on the way a child grows mentally and physically.
Deleteits amazing indeed the affects our early experiences have on our lives. Something as simple as a hug can have huge ramifications
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DeleteI also cannot fathom how a parent could willingly neglect their child. Growing up in a loving home, my parents have always wanted the best for me and their willing to make sacrifices. I myself cannot even imagine not wanting the absolute best for your child and trying to provide it for them.
I can see how the lack of previous exposure with compassion for could leave her lost and unable to provide it but is there not instinct for your kin to survive, our basic biological instinct?
After finishing this story, I was really intrigued by how humans work. How, even though we have this complex brain that can do more than any other animal on this planet, we still have basic needs that can block us from growing to our full potential. Once I finished reading Laura's story, I want to know what happened to her as she got older. She had three whole years of her newborn life the lacked the physical contact she needed. I want to know how that affected her into her later life because I don't feel that she would grow up like a normal child missing that much during her crucial development stages. Perry never really did explain how she grew up. As for Robert, I want to know if he's learned to control his anger or if he still has problems with that. He has lacked the physical nurturing and contact longer than Laura. Did he also ever fully develop to where he needed to be or does he still live with parts of his brain still underdeveloped?
ReplyDeleteWith only three years into Laura's life she knew very little about the world. I imagine her either growing up to be perfectly normal or having social abnormalities, where she would need full attention or expect none at all from her peers. Either way, I wish he had told us about her future as well.
DeleteIn this chapter it talked about "failure to thrive." I have learned about it before and this chapter gave me a more in depth understanding of the disorder. It is shocking to me that even the basic elements of survival are not always enough. Even with an abundance of food, a person, like Laura, cannot thrive. She cannot thrive because she did not get the attention and care that a person needs. Then after spending only a month in a loving household with the guidance of Mama P., she grew rapidly. This is not only shocking, but very interesting to me.
ReplyDeleteIt is intriguing to me because I have seen an example with my niece, Avalie. My brother and his wife adopted her from China when she was just a baby. When they got her she was underweight, underdeveloped, and had many health problems. She did not like to be held or touched, and showed odd symptoms for a child of her age. This was because she was put into an orphanage where she was given poor care. As we later learned she was rarely ever touched, taken out of her crib, fed the correct amount, and so on. But now, after spending a couple years in a family that loves and cares for her she has made rapid progress. Although she is a little bit behind the other kids in her age group, she is full of life and laughter.
Even though it is very cool to see her grow and make such good progress, it is still very saddening to me. It is sad because like it said in the book, even with help, kids that went through this will always have scares from this time in their life. As a result they might never be able to make the same type of relationships that others can make. What really disturbs me though is that there are so many children who do not get the chance to move in with a loving family. Or that they might get the chance, but it is taken away by a law that does not really make any sense. For example, like in Virginia's case. So my question is, how many children just get passed along in the foster care system? Also, how could they monitor it differently so that kids placed in the foster care system or in an orphanage get the correct care?
You brought up many good points. I liked how you tied in your personal experiences with your niece. Lucky for her she was taken out of the "non- loving" situation a lot earlier in her life than most kids are. It is good to see that she is in a loving household now.
DeleteYour question at the end is a good one. Something should be done to make sure that foster kids or children in an orphanage are being taken care of properly and loved right. Even though these kids aren't born to the parents that are taking care of them they deserve all the love that a biological child would get. And I think this is part of the problem, a lot of the time when kids are put into a foster family there are lots of things that the new family doesn't know about the child's past families and experiences which I think sometimes makes it hard for the parents to give them the correct care.
Lexi makes some really good points here. I have to agree with her that often times our foster care system is completely messed up. I have a really good friend who has had to move around a lot from foster home to foster home and just listening to him talk about it you can tell how hard it has been on him and the effect it has had on him even as a highschooler. Love and attention I believe is something people need at all ages. Not only is it important as child, but also when you're older. I think the foster care system needs to change so that it's easier for loving families to adopt children who more than likely will never get to live with their parents again anyways.
DeleteWhile I was reading this chapter a lot of things came up in my mind, one was how easy it would be to get caught up in big things that happened in your life such as a death in the family which might result to giving less attention to a child. Another thing that came to my mind was how if you weren't raised with being loved by your parents, that it would be harder for you to care for one of your children also. It's amazing how much love and attention you need to give a child so they can grow properly. In Laura's case, she wasn't cared for and giving the love she needed as a child so it effected Laura's growing. Hopefully it won't effect her when she is much older and is trying to raise a child of her own.
ReplyDeleteI can say i also agree with Nicole very much. What happened to Laura was very unfortunate and its good that her mother got help, but hopefully when Laura grows up the same thing does not happen to her kid. Its very understandable that if you weren't raised that way then you wouldn't know any better yourself, which is super sad that some children were not exposed so such love.
DeleteWhile I read this chapter, I was furthermore introduced about parental neglect. Knowing that a child can be fed the right amount of nutrition yet lack the necessary physical needs, can cause them to not grow normally. Virginia hadn't received the correct nurturing as a child, which caused her to not fully understand what her daughter, Laura, needed. With the help of Mama P, she learned how to recognize what her daughter needed. This correction helped her know what was right when she had a son later on. Even though Laura and Virginia were behind on their correct learning and caregiving/receiving, they will always "love with an accent."
ReplyDeleteI think Virginia's past and how she was raised definately effected the way she raised her daughter. Even though she was feeding her child properly she wasnt providing other essentials a child needs to grow and be healthy. How you were raised and what you are taught will very much affect how you raise your child and care for them. It was hard for Virginia to understand what she was doing wrong because she didn't fully understand. With the help of Mama P she started to learn and understand what it takes to raise a child.
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ReplyDeleteAs I read through this chapter it really was eye opening. Not many understand how cruicial it is to receive emotional care from a parent or guardian. When thinking that the cause of laura's condition had to with the mother's way of raising might have made me angry if i hadnt heard of Virginia's condition. The fact that she bounced around from house to house never really learning how a child is supposed to be cared for. I absolutely loved the fact that mama P was able to help her out with Laura! That is quite a thing to realize that there are people out there ready to help!
ReplyDeleteI agree with MckKenzie, it's easy at first to be quick to judge the situation but when you know the full back story you realize that it wasn't all Virginia's fault. It's also incredible how Mama P didn't believe that medications wasn't the answer but that love and attention is all the kids really needed to survive and grow.
DeleteYes I agree, emotional care from a parent or guardian is so crucial for a child and it may be hard to understand that a parent wouldn't know this. Virginia wasn't aware of her lack of emotional care for Laura due to her childhood.
DeleteI think that it is so interesting that Virginia didn't know that her child needed love in order to grow. She fed her and changed her diaper but didn't actually give her the love she needs. I thought it just came natural to all mothers and we all just assume that they know enough to love and nurture their child but after reading this chapter, it made me realize that some mothers don't know that, especially when Virginia wasn't getting the love she needed either. I loved how Virginia cared enough to try to find out why Laura wasn't growing and once Mama P offered to have them come stay with her, she accepted because she would do anything to help her daughter. I also found it interesting in how in just one month of being at Mama P's and Virginia nurturing Laura, she gained ten pounds!
ReplyDeleteThis chapter really opened my eyes on how important it is to love and care for your child, not only feeding them and changing their diaper, but playing with them and holding them. All of those things are important when raising a child and its nice having people like Mama P to help out when people need it.
I also thought that it was just a mothers instinct to know to love her child. I just thought when children were neglected or not loved enough that it was just the mothers choice, not that she might not have known to love and connect with the child as much as she should.
DeleteYes, it is so hard to understand that a mother wouldn't know that a child needs love in order to grow. The love a child needs is so powerful for them, especially for physical and emotional development.
DeleteI think the same thing. It is hard for me to understand how a mother cannot provide love and affection for their child. It really comes to show how important love truly is, not just food and water and the essentials. Laura was being fed properly but the lack of love was causing her not to grow properly and develope correctly.
DeleteWhile reading it amazed me how a baby could be fed a good nutrition and still not grow due to lacking physical and emotional needs. A child's future is determined by how they were taken care of when they were young. Virginia lacked the needs so it was harder for her to provide the love to Laura that she needed. It also amazed me how just by living with mama P for a month Laura grew ten pounds by receiving physical and emotional attention that she needed. This chapter taught me a lot about how children need to be cared for to development properly.
ReplyDeleteI was shocked about the proper nutrition part too! I never realized love had that big of an effect on people. You'd never think that ten pounds would be what she gained in a month. I am truly amazed. Love is such a powerful thing.
Deleteright? its amazing how big of a role emotion has on a early child growth and development. i could have never imagined it could actually stunt the growth of a child.
DeleteThis chapter was really interesting to me. It's amazing how if a child doesn't get the physical love of a mother that it can be affected in such a huge way. It made me sad to think how a 4 year old child can weigh as little as 26 pounds. Her mother lacked the knowledge of how to care for a child properly because she too never had the love of a mother when she was young. It amazes me that even though Virginia was there for Laura and did take care of her, that she still did not grow as fast and healthy as children who would have had the emotional love that Laura lacked.
ReplyDeleteIt was also interesting how much a child needs love and emotional connection to grow and develop. Usually you just think they need nutrients and sleep and regular care but it's much deeper than that. Children need emotional stimulation and loving care. Another interesting part was when dr. Perry was talking about the sensitive period of a child's development and if it's missed, some systems won't reach their full potential.
Part of this chapter that did make me happy though was how easily Virginia agreed to anything that could help her child. It was obvious that she did love Laura and that helped her get better and grow faster. It also made me happy that not only Laura was helped, but Virginia too.
For me, this chapter was very interesting to me. I've always grown up in a loving home where I never lacked nurturing. I always knew nurturing was important when young but what I didn't realize was just how important it is. It's crazy to think that just by lacking that extra love and attention at such a young age a person can have a problem as severe as not being able to grow or a mental disability.
ReplyDeleteSame! After reading this I feel like I take advantage of my parents sometimes. You would think that if you have everything to survive you would be okay but that is a lie, youre far from okay, you would be lacking so much. Your body would not even function correctly, how crazy, love is just a feeling that can do so much.
DeleteInitially when I began reading this chapter I was expecting a story of how a child was refusing to eat, but I quickly realized this was an unfortunate story of how treatment of one's parent at an early age can severely diminish their ‘natural’ skill of caregiving. It’s hard to imagine Virginia’s life when she was young, being passed from foster parent to foster parent. When she was finally placed with her most permanent family it’s heartbreaking hearing how she was told she can never speak or contact them again. Virginia’s childhood was obviously not stable or consistent and it's amazingly terrible to see how her treatment as a child could have affected her parenting technique so tremendously it had the possibility to end her own daughter’s life.
ReplyDeleteNow seeing how Doctor Perry responded to this situations with love and lessons from Mama P. instead of prescriptions how it made Laura’s health improve so much in such a short amount of time. Without the help from Mama P. Laura’s health more than likely would have never improved, I think everyone could learn something from her, the patience and understanding she has for kids is admirable. The fact Virginia grew so close to her she moved into the same neighborhood to continue learning. When Virginia had her son I think its great to see she had learned and adapted to treat him in the ‘normal’ way.
This chapter was not only interesting but it made me realize how important love and attention is to a child in order for them to fully develop. Virginia however wasn’t aware of this, she thought that by feeding and changing Laura’s diaper she was meeting the needs of both physical and emotional development. Laura lacked the love required to grow due to the fact that at the age of four she weighed twenty-six pounds. It is hard for me to understand that a mother wouldn’t just naturally know and care for a child’s physical and emotional needs. It is amazing to think that within one month of living with Mama P, Laura gained ten pounds! Every child deserves love and attention in order to grow physically and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter was so interesting to me and really opened my eyes on how important love really is. I was completely shocked to see how the lack of emotional care affected Laura's developement and growth. In my head I was thinking about how hard it will be for Laura to show emotions to other people and develope properly with her emotions when she was raised without them, but when it started to effect her physical abilities as well I was shocked. This story really stood out to me because it really shows the true beauty of love and effection and how everyone needs it in their lives. It is hard for me to truly understand how a mother cannot provide love for her child, but when Mama P took her in it amazed me how much that helped and changed Lauras life. In the end love is love, and everyone needs it no matter who it comes from.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with your last sentence. Like I had mentioned it all comes down to nature vs. nurture and the importance of having both in each person's life. Everyone needs a sense of worth and belonging.
DeleteThis is so accurate. Love can not be overlooked. it is the basis of who we become as individuals. without it we cant become who we are suppose to be.
DeleteAfter reading this chapter and this book in general it has opened my eyes so much more to the emotional needs that childeren truly need to act normal in there adult life.
ReplyDeleteI truly felt blessed reading this chapter, it is heartwarming knowing that i did not have to go through what Laura went through, but, it is heartbreaking knowing that this young little girl went though this. She could have grown up like you or I and had a normal life. Due to the way Virginia was raised she thought she was doing her daughter right. I had no idea love had such a great effect on the way or body grows and functions. Im so happy Mama P took Laura in and took care of her, it was probably really hard to get a relationship started with her, she is not used to people being close with her. I love that Laura is finally loved.
ReplyDeleteI agree about feeling blessed beyond belief after reading this. It makes me really sad to think that at such a young age she didn't really know what love felt like.
DeleteI have to agree with everything that you just said. It makes me very grateful that I have never experienced anything this tragic in my life. I know everyone goes through hard times, but I think that the worst thing could be the feeling of feeling unwanted and becoming sick from it all. after reading this it makes me want to just take time back to when she was little and maybe get them both the care they need.
DeleteAfter reading this chapter, I was not only shocked by Laura's predicament, but by the fact that Virginia had not noticed the lack in her child's health and development. Although it is clear that Virginia had not grown up surrounded by love and affection, in my mind I still contemplate why she wouldn't want a different lifestyle for her daughter? I understand that throughout Virginias childhood she was only given basic needs, and as it has been mentioned before, many are bound to repeat past occurrences, causing me to come to the conclusion that physical care was all Virginia had known.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter is a prime example of nature vs. nurture and the important roles that both place on the overall health and development of a child. It is clear that Virginia had lived Laura, but due to her circumstances as a child she had just not been taught the proper way to show her affection.
I do not blame Virginia for Laura's situation but I still wonder how it had not concerned her? In the end, I believe that Dr. Perry gave the two of them the perfect remedy, love rather than medication. A necessity for all healthy relationships.
love and acceptance are a necessity for all relationships... interesting enough though we see abused children grow and develop as well... why?
DeleteWhen i first saw the title of this chapter i wasn't sure what to think of it, but after reading it i was shocked by many different things. Like how could a mother just not nurture and care for her baby the way mothers do? Or how an infant could possibly have anorexia ? even though finding out that wasnt true i just find it crazy how they could think that was the case. Very bizarre in my eyes. I do think that what happened to Laura wasn't all her mothers fault in some perspective. What was happening to Laura i believe was just another part in a vicious cycle that has been going through for who knows how many generations. Virginia probably experienced the same thing a s a child growing up which is super sad to think that a mother just couldn't love her child the way they should be loved. It reminds me of something my mom always use to tell me when i was little that there is no greater bond between a mother and her child, that nothing can break that passionate bond they have. It also made me realize how lucky i am and how fortunate i was to grow up with a loving mother who cares for me, and not only a mother but a family as well. It breaks m heart to think that Lauras story is most likely a lot of children s story unfortunately. Its great that Virgina was seeking help for her child and that sure was lucky enough to have the help of Mama P and Dr. P as well. Another thing i found interstig and that greatly fits their story but that can also be applied to our every day lives is " they will always speak the language with an accent." It really makes you think and understand that people can be shown the right way to do things but if not taught and molded as they grow so its natural there will always be that awkward part about it.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree Shelby! When the doctors said that Laura was anorexic and that she was purging at just the age of four is crazy to me. Im no doctor but I thought there was no way. Its so sad to think she had to go through all of those tests for really no reason. They should have had Dr. P examine her earlier in her life.
DeleteI agree with you completely. I found it so crazy to think a mother couldn't nurture her child, I thought that just came naturally to all mothers. But it made me sad when I realized that it wasn't her fault it was because she was not given that stuff herself.
DeleteBefore reading this chapter, I knew that lack of attention could lead to physical problems such as speech impediments and difficulties with mobility. I was surprised to learn that it could prevent people from growing or gaining weight. Affection is such a key part of growing up. At first, I though Virginia was a bad mother, but after learning about the way she was raised, I realized it was the best she knew how to do. The fact that she took on the challenge of motherhood was a huge step. She truly loved Laura. Her best efforts were the fundamentals, or bare requirements, of raising a child. I though Mama P. was a great person. She sounded like an amazing person to be around. She put so much love into all of the children that stayed with her, and eventually into Laura and Virginia. I thought the way she stood up to Dr. Perry, and insisted the Robert would not be put on medication was great. Her method of caring for him would help more that any medication they could prescribe. I thought the "mirror" neurons were very interesting. Personally, if a baby smiles at me, I usually can't help but smile back. It's almost instinct. I never gave two thoughts as to why I always did that. I can't imagine what I would be like if my mother never returned my smiles as a baby, just as much as I can't help returning another baby's smiles.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Nein
DeleteI agree with on how Virginia did love Laura, even though she may have showed it in a different way. Also I found it interesting too the fact that just a simple smile can change a babies so much. The fact that our brains are able to learn to find pleasure from small things like that is amazing.
I was surprised to hear that it had that large of effect on a child's growth as well. The part of this chapter that talked about how the babies in orphanages end up dying because they don't receive enough physical love. That just made me so sad.
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ReplyDeleteThis Story really changed my thinking on the human brain. The brain is way more complex in our everyday live then i thought, to think that it has control over things like physical size is mind blowing. Virginia did all she could with her child. She didn't know how to nurture because she herself was denied the same opportunity. So in turn her child suffered the consequences. I never thought little things such as smiling and cooing with a baby could effect growth. But it shows what a little love and nurturing can do. When they went to momma P's house she grew ten pounds in a month. Almost a third of her body weight before in a month. Thats crazy.and shouldn't not be taken lightly. When doctor Perry made the comparison to the runt of the litter i thought that was spot on. When a dog doesn't get cared for properly it almost never makes it. And i guess the same goes for us humans. We need to be cared for to thrive. without being nourished we really can't grow and succeed in life.
ReplyDeleteI really like your analogy to the dog. Its so simple but yet I would have never thought to look at something like that as the same as a human but obviously it makes sense. I was thinking the same thing as you with the smiling an cooing to a baby. Its so weird to me to think that that stuff really matters for a child's development,
DeleteI felt the same way about this chapter. I never really knew the brain was affect but the slightest things like a smile. I don't believe very many people realize the importance of the little things they do with their children and the affect it could have on their development.
DeleteAs I read this chapter it really made me realize how important the first few years of life are, and you have to depend on others to give you the love and affection to grow and thrive "normally". Thats kinda scary. It makes me sad that Laura's life was changed forever because her mother Virginia did not know how to care for her properly. How could you not want to love and hold your child? It blows my mind just because I love taking care of babies and little kids. But realizing Virginia had her own struggles growing up makes complete sense that she just did not know how to. I think Mama P is awesome for what she does. She has helped and changed so many lives of the little kids that have been in her care. It really made my heart happy when she helped Virginia take care of Laura so that she could learn that a child needs to be held and cuddled. We need more people like Mama P in the world to help out with troubled kids.
ReplyDeleteSadie I'm sure this chapter really upset you because knowing ho much you care for kids and how well you work with them I am sure it was hard to accept that not everyone starts out as the great mother you want to be. I really like how you talked about this chapter being scary because I feel the exact same way. All these chapters are really making my brain work and opening my eyes to our world more and more.
DeleteI had that same feeling because I enjoy taking care of little ones as well! It's hard to see them not happy at all times. But to have them think it's normal to not be loved breaks my heart. Nobody should have to go through any of the things in this book and it just is crazy how to brain works and how it makes things permanent so quickly.
DeleteI know how you feel because I love kids and so it is hard for me to understand how someone wouldn't. It's scary to think about the fact that this is just one case and there are so many more children out there that are neglected due to similar issues as this. I don't like to think about it but it's something that maybe should be brought to attention more often.
DeleteWhile reading this I was immediately interested with all the facts about the brain. I love learning about that kind of stuff because I find it fascinating. This chapter really changed my mind about being a mother. I always just assumed everyone has the motherly instinct when they become pregnant. And to be real here I was kind of banking on it because I really am not a fan of kids and one day I want to have them. So reading this chaptered scared me because Virginia just didn’t develop a motherly instinct. Luckily I can say that I was raised in a home with two loving parents who taught me all I know and will be a great support system one day. But Virginia was tossed from foster home to foster home and was basically alone in her pregnancy and the first years of her daughter’s development. I now know how crucial those years are to becoming a healthy child. I love when Dr. Perry says, “without love, children literally don’t grow.” It’s crazy for me to try and wrap my head around this because I don’t understand not being loved, this might sound odd but its true and Virginia can’t say the same.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Nein
DeleteI thought the same thing that most mothers where naturally born with qualities to raise a child. The fact that the biggest influence on how good of a parent you will be depends on how you where raised is scary to me too. The thing is though maybe Virginia's idea of love may be different than yours. In Virginia's eyes she doesn't know that by holding and comforting your child is a sign of love. If she did know it was a sign of love I feel like she would have maybe held and comforted Laura more as a baby.
I also find learning about the brain to be very fascinating. And I also was shocked to read about a mother who did not show her own child love and affection. I also did not know that not being loved could effect someone so much that they do not grow.
DeleteWhile reading something that got my attention was the whole "love" aspect of parenting. It was something that I didn't know that the touch and skin to skin contact with your child is very important. I made me sad because it's not that the mother doesn't love her baby, it';s just all she knows. She doesn't know how to properly nurture her baby. Some people might look at her as a bad mother, but she can't do anything else. I wonder if Virginia went through something similar to make her brain work the way it does. I just hope that it is something that soon be fixed because if Laura ever wants to have children, just because of the way she was brought up if she would do the same thing. I could never imagine having to have to not be nurtured by my mom, it's definitely not something that very many of us have to go through, to the extent of this story. Makes me want to know more and more about the human brain as I keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised too that some mother's just don't know how to show their love and affection. But, they truly do love their babies. It is sad that Virginia was passed around from foster home to foster home so she never learned how to make those connections so she doesn't even know how to make those connections with her own baby. Mama P was an amazing person for taking them in and teaching her.
DeleteI always assume a mother will just love her baby, I mean it is her so how could you not love it? So I was also very shocked when i read this story, but I also think I take what I grew up with as a child for granted since I have two loving parents. And I also questioned if the mother maybe has something wrong with her which caused her to not show affection towards her child
DeleteI always assume a mother will just love her baby, I mean it is her so how could you not love it? So I was also very shocked when i read this story, but I also think I take what I grew up with as a child for granted since I have two loving parents. And I also questioned if the mother maybe has something wrong with her which caused her to not show affection towards her child
DeleteThis chapter really amazed me. It shocked me that not every mother knows how to be a mother, of course every parent learns but I mean the emotional aspect of being a mother. Like just holding her baby and the physical contact of loving them. It really makes me wounder how many mother's out there are dealing with them same thing and are not getting the help they need like Virginia received. Mama P is a great an amazing women and very caring. She gives kids the love and nurturing they need not based on their age but what their mental issues are. She helps the kids that others have given up on. She saw that Laura need help that Virginia didn't know how to give her, which wasn't her fault. But with Mama P's help she learned how to care for her child. This chapter made me so sad to know how many people's hard childhoods affect them so much all they way into adulthood. But it also makes me happy because it shows how truly amazing the human brain is.
ReplyDeleteIt too shocked me about Virginia not knowing how to be a mother, I thought that it was just instinct to be loving and affectionate towards one's baby. I believe if Virginia would have shown love as a child she would have done the same to her baby but since she never learned how she could not show love to her baby.
DeleteI never actually though about how people learned to parent. I Always thought when you had your baby, instinct would just take over. But it makes sense that your modeling and copying behavior you'd seen your parents do, or friends, or extended family do when they are around their children and the memories you had growing up. When she weighed so little but eating enough really mad me upset, it's crazy how just love and touch could affect you developmentally
ReplyDeleteTaylor Nein
ReplyDeleteOne thing I learned while reading this chapter was how the brain works in a use-dependent manner. In Virginia's case she was not properly held and comforted as a child, so as she got older she was never able to find pleasure from doing this as a parent. This is very scary, or shocking in a way, in how just the simple act of being held and comforted as an infant can affect how well of a parent you will be when you get older.
I did know that neglected children do not grow and develop properly when they lack love and care but I did not know it could be so extreme. At the age of 4 Laura was 14 pounds underweight despite her ongoing high calorie diet.
ReplyDeleteI found it very peculiar that Virginia didn't know how to care for her child. Dr. Perry's reason being that she never received psychological are as a child just physical. But does a mother's instinct to and care, provide, and protect for her child not override her lack of experience
It took someone else's guidance to show her how to do something I would've thought comes naturally...
We do believe in society moms know what to do and how to care for young... we really do not know... all of that is learned and today's society it may need to be taught more than ever... social media and technology may be preoccupying or ability to really connect with our kids.
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ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading this chapter, I thought it was pretty weird that they thought Laura had an eating disorder. Right away, I got the weird feeling like I did with the chapter about Tina, where they thought she had ADHD. They were on track with it being psychological and not physical; but it was a problem with both mother and child, unlike what they had first speculated. It made me feel so annoyed that the foster care that Virginia was raised in was so flawed. I always knew it wasn’t perfect, and I know it still isn’t, but I didn’t know it was that bad. It seems obvious that a child would need consistency. It also seems obvious that children need consistent support even after they ‘leave the nest’, so to speak.
The brain never ceases to amaze me, and I thought the development of infants minds to be so interesting. I knew that holding children and giving them attention is crucial to development, but I did not understand just how important. I didn’t realize all of the things that we unknowingly teach to our children. They really do look to us for everything.
I was also unaware that children could literally die from not being loved enough. When people say all we need to survive is food, water, air and shelter, they should honestly add social interaction.
I wanted to add that I found it heart-warming to read about Mama P, who took in this small, confused family and nurtured them both back to normal. And, although this is probably irrelevant, I love how the author ends the chapter. “Like people who learn a foreign language late in life, Virginia and Laura will never speak the language of love without an accent.” His words often make me think or leave me in awe. This is a good book and I’m glad this was our assignment.
I agree that from my perspective it seems to be common knowlege that a child should be brought up in a consistent environment and be able to form attachments. I like the way you describe them as a " small, confused family" as well, I think that sums up what they are exactly. I think your comment on the closing line is important too, it is a piece of the book that should be given attention because it was so beautiful and true.
DeleteI also loved that ending quote, he couldn't have summed up the chapter better. What puts me at peace was reading about maternal instinct, the reason a mother can automatically bond with her children. The bond between sharing your body with another for 9 months is a strong one, so Virginia was a rare mother in this case. Her growing up as a disconnected child made her socially oblivious to how she should care for her daughter. It still surprised me she didn't feel the need to comfort her daughter.
DeleteThe fact that while so many tests were being run on poor Laura that no one saw the disconect between her and her mother, and that it was actually encourage blew my mind. Sometimes it is completely forgotten that physiology and pschology are directly tied together, such is the case here. You would think that information on early brain development would be more readily available to both doctors and the general public alike, seeing as it is so important to development all throughout your life. Even though all parents plan to try to do better than their parents, you can only help your kids how you know how to. The fact that parents who want to be educated but don't know where to look for information can have problems like this saddens me. I feel bad for Virginia; she is trying so hard but has nothing to go off of after having a confusing childhood herself. I was so impressed by how even though she had problems connecting emotionally, she was driven by her own morals and only the desire to do the right thing. When I do something right I get the reward of being closer to them and the happiness from seeing them happy as well. That she works so hard to be a good person without any reward is awe inspiring. Before this I realize that I had always assumed that morality and empathy were a package deal, now i see that isn't exactly how it is. She loves her daughter in the only ways she can and tries her best to do right by her, but gets mislead until she meets Dr. Perry, who has grown since the first chapter and can help her.
ReplyDeleteLearning about how brain functions came together and become tied together was very interesting. Without these ties, humans wouldn't be able to live in communities successfully and wouldn't be able to form deep attachments to one another. I also didn't know about "sensative periods" before now. Learning about that helped me to better understand why its so important to have proper infantile care. You can never go back to that growth period again.
In this chapter Dr. Perry explains that some children may be more or less sensative to stressors based on their genetics. This got me thinking about nature vs. nurture and the effect that can have on a person. My adopted sister and I are both very different even though we have been raised the same and very similar. I'm see now that it may be due to the fact that by nature we are sensative to different stressors in our environments.
The best part of the chapter was learning from Mama P. She is proof that helping children is based on instinctual knowlege and nurturing. She doesn't overthink anything and gives the children in her care exactly what they need. I'm beyond glad that Laura and Virginia stayed close to her and continued to learn from her example.
I appreciate your insight and relating to personal experiences in a different way. I enjoyed your post and I believe you get it! Great job!
DeleteThis chapter really showed me how much a child really does need love to survive. Physical touch is such a critical part of a young child's growth and I didn't really realize how important it was until I read this chapter. Virginia knew the basics on how to take care of a baby. Feed her, change her diapers, and put her to sleep when she was tired. But she lacked that maternal instinct that most of us are just born with so she was very emotionally disconnected from her baby. I think Virginia really did love her baby, she just didn't show the physical part of love that children need to grow. Babies need to be held and hugged and kissed. I felt bad for Virginia too, though, because her upbringing isn't really her fault and she was willing to do anything to help her child.
ReplyDeleteare we born with maternal instincts? our instincts are food and drink etc... didn't Virginia do those things? is love an instinct?
DeleteI agree with you on how physical touch is such important thing in the effect of children's growth and development. I too felt bad for Virginia because if as a child she was love and shown affection to she would have done the same to Laura.
DeleteThroughout my years I have realized that having a healthy mind and healthy body go hand in hand with each other. To have a healthy mind you need to have a healthy body and vice versa. If either the mind or the body is not healthy it causes imbalance in the person. For example Laura did not have Virginia loves and in a little kid that is key for being healthy all around. Sure Virgina knew the basic of being a mother to point but the affection part of being a mother was there. As the little girl grew up more she started to understand more and more because she did not have her mother’s loves as a baby in return she was lacking that as she grew. In my opinion having love and affection is a major thing when you are in the first couple years of life. Because Laura did not have her mother love it caused her mind to being unhealthy, therefore her body became unhealthy as well. This could only be fitted by the love of someone and if it weren’t for Mama P. Laura would have never made the recovery that she did.
ReplyDeleteFrom this chapter I have discovered the compassionate connection between parent and child. How much a child really depends on a parents attention and how it can effect their future. What caught my attention most was that Virginia wasn't connected to Laura because she had grown inside of her for 9 months. All the pain ad struggle should have brought her close to her baby like most mothers, even if she was a disconnected child herself. I was surprised on how Mama P. treated the children she took in, even if they were older she babied them, which still puzzled me on how they would grow up normally from that sort of treatment. The big connection I made with this chapter was a video I saw in Psychology last year. A mother would go back and forth between playing with her child and being NON-RESPONSIVE. The child would laugh and be happy but as soon as the mother stopped responding the baby would keep crying out for attention no matter how long the mother sat quietly.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter really shocked me. As I read the chapter I became more and more surprised. Hearing about all of Laura's testing and lab results and having nothing come up was bizarre. She's getting plenty of calories but why is she not growing? It made no sense. Then when they finally figured it out, I was amazed. I didn't even believe it was possible at first. I had no clue that not getting enough attention and affection from a caregiver could affect your growth. To me if someone was eating enough they would grow, if someone wasn't eating enough, they wouldn't. But she was getting enough calories and nothing happened. It's so crazy to think that a child's environment can affect something as big as their physical growth. It really shows how important that physical connection between a child and caregiver is. I think sending Laura and Virginia to Mama P was the perfect thing to do. Mama P knew how to care for a child with love and compassion, Virginia knew that a mother was supposed to, but didn't know how. Mama P taught Virginia the things she should've learned as a child. It's amazing that in the first month being there she gained ten pounds with the same diet. It really goes to show how a child really need compassion from a caregiver at an early age.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the title of this chapter I was very intrigued about what it could possibly be about. As I read on, I made the connection that it was implying that children need the touch and physical affection of a mother in order to survive and grow properly. I also found this chapter to be very upsetting and it made me angry to think a mother could neglect a child to the point of the child not being able to develop properly.
ReplyDeleteOn the medical side of this story, I found it very interesting that the brain has that much of an impact on the human body to the point where it can effect the body's growth. I was also surprised that lack of affection from a motherly figure can effect more than just the emotional side of a child's growth.
As I continue reading this book, I find every story both heart wrenching and stomach turning, but also very interesting and it makes me excited to learn more about the functions and abilities of the brain.
I agree with your relation to the brain. How you didn't know your brain effected your physical health that much. I found it shocking as well.it made me realize what your brain is actually capable of.
DeleteInitially I would've said that a mother's nurturing is an instinct, but after reading this I would definitely have to disagree. I never would've thought someone wouldn't want to nurture their baby and I realize now that I only think that way because it's how I was raised. It was upsetting to read about Laura and how she literally wasn't developing physically because her mother refused to raise her properly, and provide her with love and affection. It really broke my heart more than anything. Part of my sympathy transferred to Virginia as well, once I heard about her childhood and realized that she never learned the motherly instinct. It also was hard to understand how Virginia knew what she was supposed to be doing but didn't know or have the desire to do it. It's crazy how once Virginia and Laura went to live with Mama P, Laura began to develop. She was on the same diet, but was experiencing love and compassion and that's what was helping her grow. All these stories are hard for me to stomach but I enjoy learning about the brain and all the factors that effect it. I'm excited to learn more throughout the year.
ReplyDeleteI to thought that a mother would just naturally care for their child. I come to find out thats not true in this chapter. I felt angry as well when I found that Virginia wouldn't care for Laura. I was angry that she wasn't developing due to the loss of touch and love from her mother. It really made me think and be thankful for what I have.
DeleteIn the beginning of the chapter I was really interested in why Laura was so small and not developing. I was shocked on all the tests that Laura had gone through. I felt sick that this young and tiny little girl was going through all of this. Then you find out its because her mother Virginia never loved Laura. She never gave Laura the physical feeling of a mother's loving touch. I then began imagining my life without the loving care and attention I receive from my parents, and how I probably wouldn't be who I am with out their love. I didn't understand how a mother could resist her child.
ReplyDeleteWhen they went to live with Mama P Laura began to develop. Virginia also began to develop as a mother. She learned how to take care of her child. I found this very good for both Laura and Virginia.
I really enjoyed reading this I found it very interesting. I also found myself thankful in the end for always being loved.
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